.::Fingel's Cave::. Exploring the art of Fingeldom.
09/29/2007
My Roomate
My roomate has somehow pissed of the man above, or else has really bad luck. Incredibly seemingly random horrible things have happened to this man. The great thing is how lightly he takes it. I've compiled a short list that I will probably update either out of new discoveries or because I forgot some at the time of this writing.
1) Has been stabbed in the leg with a butterfly knife by someone he didnt even know. The man just ran away and didnt attempt to steal anythig.
2) Has been hit by a car crossing the street and had to get lots of stiches.
3) Five of his peers have died. Two were close friends. One died from Lukemia and the other from a ski accident. The one from Lukemia had an open cascet funeral that he went to when he was 12 years old. Because of this I get a little nervous at times.
4) He is partially blind.
5) Because of number 4, he is really clumsy, and since University has started, he has fallen down the stairs once, fallen out of of a car once and faceplanted on the pavement, fallen out of his bed once.
6) He gets really gnarley nose bleeds at random times.
7) He has been tazered by a police officer.
Hes probably the coolest roomate I could have asked for, really unfortuneate for a chill guy.
Martycakes
So imagine the situation. Its the second night after moving into the dorm rooms at the college and we're all freshman that don't know eachother. You meet a lot of people. First impressions are just that, first impressions. You might meet someone who you think is cool, and thats good, but you don't know if in the long run they really are going to be cool. Same goes for someone whos a little strange. You might meet someone whos a little wierd but as long as they arent too crazy you aren't going to think this guys a rapist or something.
So everyone was in the hall drinking and being merry (that seemes to be the pattern of things in Forest floor 1 since the first night until now) and socializing. There was one kid named Marty who was hanging out with Jesse across the hall, Alex (my roomate) and I met him and and our first impression was that he was a little strange. He is a local, doesnt even go live in the hall or go to school. He is constantly smiling, but its not a natural somile, it looks more like there are 2 fishooks on each corner of his mouth attached to string pulling back. He has a slightly small deformed head that is accentuated by his shaved hair. Nobody could tell it straight but there was something just not right about this man.
Come 1am, Alex and I decided to call it a night. About 3 hours later, as well as I can remember, I was awoken by some talking. I opened my eyes to see a blurry, dark, image of a man obviosuly not Alex, standing at the foot of Alex's bed where the dresser is messing with some object on top of it. I said it a really, loud, accusing voice "Whats up man?!" This must have woken up Alex because he immedialty sat up in bed, and said in a really pissed off tone, "What are you doing, we're trying to sleep!" After this the man turned towards Alex and I could see right away that it was that freak Marty. He just kinda stood there for a second looking at Alex and there was silence. Alex said "Dude get out of here." To which Marty, still smiling as I could see, replied, "Dude, its cool." But didnt move. At this Alex got up out of bed and physically pushed Marty out of the room. Alex closed and locked the room, looked at me, and we both said "What the fuck" in unison. Although strange, and a little unnerving, both of us were pretty drunk so we laughed nervously a bit and passed out again.
In the morning, we inspected the dresser to see if Marty had stolen or tampered with anything. All we found was a lime green tree shaped air freshner on the desk.
WTF?
Since then Marty has been the butt of a lot of our jokes and pranks. A few days later, there was a Housing complex meeting where the head RA told us some safety warnings. One of them was to lock our doors, because there "Have been reports of transients entering the complex, sometimes even the rooms." Our group of friends at the back of the room started cracking up and yelling "Marty!!!" during the meeting. The head RA got pissed and questioned our floor RA why we were laughing, he told her and it turned out that safety warning was completely unrelated to the Marty incident, it was something they told the freshman every year, we just thought it was because of Marty.
We only saw him once since, but I think he got the impression from our giggling and staring that he is now an anomoly on the floor. He hasnt showed up since.
Four days ago, a few of us played a prank on our RA, Josh. We took a condom and filled it with liquid soap and spit, then put it over his doorknob. On the whiteboard was written: "Joshy, you forgot something! <3 Martycakes." Josh literally fell on the ground laughing. Since then Marty has been known as Martycakes, and has transformed more into a legend than the actual person.
So when I grow up and have kids, I will warn them, lock your doors at night, or else Martycakes might come in and pay you a visit!
To the bitch who cleaned my teeth.
Dear Ms Chen,
I know I havent been to the dentist in nearly a year. I know I was late for my last appointment and made a big fuss out of it. I know that I didnt make much of an effort to brush my teeth this morning, and I know maybe I deserved a little punishment. But for gods sake, did you have to rip chunks of flesh off my gums like that?
Listen, well all know dentists choose thier profession because they have a certain... sadistic streak. No matter what they say, challenge, job stability, carreer options, we all know the truth. You like to inflict pain on people. Its a known fact, so at least most dentists make an effort to make it seem like they aren't hurting you on purpose. You made no such effort. The second you pulled out your shiney metal pick of doom (why is this going in my mouth torture device) I knew I was into serious trouble. Usually, dentists try and scrape the plack off the teeth. I dont remember you even touching my teeth, just jabbing and scraping at my poor tender gums. I do remember, you calmly informing me that maybe I should floss more often, for my gums are bleeding a bit. No shit lady! What the hell do you expect them to do when you poke at them with metal spikes and knives? Of course they're going to bleed! And the way you were ravaging them, I could feel the blood trickling down my througt. Not to mention the chunks of red tissue that I both watched travel down the sucky tube and dot your medical gloves. Jesus Christ lady! You belong in a teenage horror fick, not a dentist office.
I could tell when you were finally finished that you were satisfied. Your body language was tell all. Your facial muscles relaxed into a cool smile, your shoulders moved back slightly and your legs lossened up. I thought I even heard a slight sigh. I bet you were even hoping that I was going to cry. I bet you really would have gotten off on that one. Well I would like you to know you will get no more pleasure out of me. On Wednesday I start classes and Souther Oregon University, hundreds of miles away. I'll be damned if Im gunna make a 5 hour drive just to subject myself to that kind of torture again. Fuck you. Im getting a new dentist, and I hope you and your teeth rot in hell.
I was raised on animal cruelty.
My sister and I were reminiscing about some old movies we used to watch as a kid. Most of them had to do with Animals, Homeward Bound, The Lion kind and of course, Milo and Otis. Its an enjoyable flick about a kitten and a pug that become friends and end up on a dangerous adventure. They ford down rivers, trudge through blizzards and snow, get bitten by all sorts of other animals and even get tossed off a cliff by Japanese filmmakers! I remember my mom would always tell us that they used a doll as the kitten when she falls off the cliff, but even back then I could tell that it was real. That kitten went flying, and I doubt the thing even earned a paycheck. Its fun to watch old movies like this and think of the outrage they would cause today.
Comments
I got comments working last night. I stayed up until 2 a.m drinking AMP changing code and messing around to get it working. No to mentoin I was blasting music and I forgot to close my door, poor sister. They aren't what you expect from a typical blog system, but they work. Once again, just a small perl script, no MySql, databases, php, nothing. To me its impressive. To your average joe visiting this site, its probably just the opposite.
Good riddance Wordpress
I trashed my Wordpress installation today in favor of Blosxom today. Wordpress was a bloated piece of shit that likes to confine its users to bland, generic looking pages. I had to work just to get line breaks working, pssh! Blosxom is just the opposite. Its small, fast, simple... in fact its so different you cant even compare it. The whole thing is 1 17kb cgi script. I create the page I want out of html, and just add variables like $blog_title and $body where I want my blog info to go. Upload a simple .txt file to the server and poof! The post shows up on the main page. So great! I hate generic looking blogs and the plus of this is I get to learn more code. I did a few google searches on blosxom and found that in the bloggers community, blosxom seems to find its niche in nerds and computer programmers, and most pages that use the script are about computers.
lol.
I guess Im a nerd then.
