Mutant Grapes in My Breakfast

🖊️ 🔖 Entertainment 💬 3

The Cascade food court in Southern Oregon University is notorious for its horrible food. So far I’ve found that it lives up to expectations. Today I made a healthy choice and chose grapes as part of my complete breakfast. This is what I found:

Nasty Grapes

Now let me describe. Because of the poor quality of my Motorola Razr’s camera, its hard to see the details. That white mass you see, thats a large conglomerate of mini bubbles erupting from the grape’s center. I could see a few of them rise and pop as I poked the grape with my finger. The flesh around the eruption is curled back and black. Very sickly looking.

Now, many of you must be thinking that its just a rotting grape and I’m being a puss. Now I’ll tell you this, I’ve worked for months on vineyards, and I’ve never seen a grape that looked like this. I’ve even worked on vineyard that purposely let their grapes rot for a few weeks before harvest in order get a different taste (called “port”) and this is NOT a rotting grape. This is something sinister and foreign. Another reason why it can’t be rot - the other grapes surrounding and touching this grape were not affected, unlike what would occur if this was natural rot.

So if its not rot, what is it? Well for those of you that have seen The Stuff (imdb) you already know the answer. For those of you that haven’t, the movie starts off with an industrial night guard patrolling an oil refinery in Alaksa, who comes across some white bubbling substance coming form the ground. He gets the urge to eat it and, lo and behold, it tastes good. Soon enough “The Stuff” is in every American’s refrigerator. But… are they eating the stuff or is the stuff eating them? Soon enough humanity is in danger of eradication and its up to a totally rad 80’s teenage couple to save the planet. Did their dayglo clothes and mullets save the day? Rent the move and find out.

Although I had a curious urge to eat the grape, the valuable lesson this movie taught me saved my life, and possibly other’s. Maybe even yours. So if you come across this strange substance anywhere, don’t eat it. The stuff will consume you.


anonymous  in response to anonymous
you say "speechless" quite a bit, but you won't shut up
anonymous
perhaps some sort of creature was nesting in there? it looks kind of like a spitbug.
anonymous
Wow. I'm speechless, but no one has posted yet. Most likely, as they are similarly speechless. I would have thought that I would have had much better quips regarding the mysterious white bubbling grape substance. Alas, I do not. At least I didn't respond in "lolspeak", because frankly, that makes me want to beat people with a brick. Good luck with your grapes, though. I'd switch to Fruity Pebbles.